What can a newbie couple expect at their first swinger party/event?
Lola answers: Well, that all depends. There are many factors, which can effect one's experience. First I suggest you know the type of event you are about to engage in. Ask the promoter or host if it's an on premise or off premise event. At on premise events, sex is allowed. At off premise events sex is not allowed. These are two MAJOR substantial differences. Each event organizer has different rules of engagement. Through my travels and personal experience, most swing events openly welcome players of all levels ranging from green newbies to seasoned vets.
ON PREMISE
I have however come across some on premise events that have particular rules such as: nude by midnight or nude to enter the play area. These on premise events, can be overwhelming for a newbie. At your first ON premise event you can expect it to be BYOB, as it's illegal in many places (like the US) to engage in sexual activity where liquor is sold or an establishment holds a liquor license. You will also have the opportunity to view others in play as well as join in yourself. At ON premise events you can really exercise your exhibitionism and voyeurism.
OFF PREMISE
If you are attending your first OFF Premise event, think about being in a regular club filled with other sexy adults and erotica at ever turn. Tons of entertainment. Thumping music, lots of dirty dancing, bumping and grinding, light fondling, and girls kissing. Basically, an ultra erotic nightclub experience with other adults of all playing levels.
Keep in mind event structures vary from promoter to promoter. To get a realistic account of a particular party, ask their guests. If you find that the guests are enthusiastic and they appear to be the type of people you'd like to party with…check out the next event
What are some good basic rules of etiquette to follow?
Golden rule #1: BE RESPECTFUL.
No means no and "maybe" should even register as "no." If you approach a potential playmate, be sure to get a clear verbal, "YES" prior to engaging in anything physical. If you are uncertain, simply ask again.
Golden rule #2: DO NOT TOUCH!
Never assume that since you are at a swing event you can openly touch whomever you like. Even if you see a person engaging with another guest, that does not allow you the right to later place your hands on that person. If you are ever uncertain...simply ask permission.
Golden rule #3: DO NOT APPROACH ANOTHER'S PARTNER WHEN THEY ARE SEPARATED.
Approaching another's partner when one has left for the bathroom or cigarette break, does not allow you the green light to pursue. If your person of interest is attending as a couple, have the respect to approach them as such. The swing lifestyle is all about respect and communication. Yet if you are approached by one half of a couple, always warmly welcome them to bring their partner. This way you steer clear of any miscommunication.
Golden rule #4: SLOPPY IS A TURN OFF.
Sloppy attire, bad hygiene and over intoxication is a HUGE TURN OFF. When attending swing events, bring your A game. Look good, smell good and don't get so saucy that you end up playing "coyote ugly" on the bar and have no recollection of what took place. Slurred speech and blood-shot eyes are not in the definition of "sexy."
Golden rule #5: MINGLE, MINGLE, MINGLE!
Introduce yourself and strike up a conversation with the person next to you. Even if s/he isn't a potential playmate, breaking the ice can lead to many great friendships. They may introduce you to other people or new events. You may end up making a new connection. You attend these events with the hope to meet others, and now's your chance. Let's face it, this is not high school and the day of being the wallflower is in your past. So go out there and MINGLE.
Golden rule #6: GO WITH FUN IN MIND & A GREAT ATTITUDE.
Simply set your sights on having a fun filled night. Leave the notion of "I better get lucky tonight" at home. If you and your partner approach an event with the same fun attitude, it emanates from you, and others will be drawn to that. Having a confident fun attitude is sexy.
Events aside - what about a couple who wants a smaller, intimate experience with another couple? How should they go about hooking up?
You'll need to find a social networking site such as AFF. Take the time to set up a very thorough profile - no one-word answers in the "describe yourself" section. Really let prospects know who you are and what you're searching for. For detailed information on creating an alluring profile, check out the Profile Pointers fetaure on HedoOnline.com.
AFF has awesome search capabilities. Simply plug in your preferences and search. But really take the time to READ the profiles. Do not look at photos only! UPLOAD PHOTOS of yourself and allow access to those you are interested in. Members on AFF put a lot of time and thought into their profiles, customizing them and writing the text. Make sure you read any testimonials on a profile, looking for the "real experience" ones (not the "Hey nice pics!") Those profiles with real experience testimonials will help you gage those who actually want to meet beyond cyberspace.
Send an introductory email to your new interest and you can even hit the AFF chatroom for more timely conversations. However, I do urge all members to keep their private emails and IM services to themselves and utilize the forums that AFF has set up for you. Your safety should always remain top of mind.
Any major no-nos to avoid?
Oh yeah! Always remain humble and polite. Everyone's time is precious. When you are not interested in someone, do NOT send them absurd and rude messages. Simply and graciously, say: "Thank you and after reviewing your profile, I don't believe we are a match. Best of luck on AFF and thanks for your interest." There is no need to be rude, we all get enough of that in our daily lives. Employ a little class. Even when others approach you online with distasteful emails and comments - AFF has made the job very easy for you...simply block them and viola! Problem solved. I do suggest staying away from the rude childish banter no matter how tempting it may be to write back!
If you're in the New York City area, check out Lola's Valentine's Day Erotic Episode on Saturday, February 14th: www.HedoOnline.com
