I'm a single, middle aged woman. Eclectic Pagan Priestess and ex-vegetarian. Don't ask why, it's gross. I've got a few extra pounds on me, but I'm by no means a BBW. I'm 4'11" and a size 14, which means I still buy my clothes in the petites' department. My interests include speculative fiction (Neil Gaiman and Harlan Elli are gods), movies (especially horror), reading, museums, plays, galleries, board games, finding the places written about in Weird NJ, human genetic experiments, etc. I'm semi-educated, articulate, intelligent and I know which fork to use at a dinner party. And I'm not even an escort. I'm not the beer and burger type, I wouldn't be caught dead in a bowling alley. NASCAR puts me to sleep and football, well, let's just say if I wanted to watch a bunch of men in tight pants feel each other up, there are less boring things I could watch. I pull no punches, I know what I'm looking for and I don't tolerate lies or players. Just your typical All-American snob.

Mi persona ideal: Well, as the site as screwed up profiles again, I figured I'd add this and see if they re-approve my profile. If they're going to keep denying a profile that hasn't been updated in two years, I might as well update, right?

Ok, based on the email I get, it does seem to be time to offer an explanation of what I’m looking for, beyond the list below. I’m sick of the emails I keep getting saying I don’t belong on this site, from newbie horny web geeks. So, here is the deal.

As far as relationship goals go… If I put down "discreet relationship," I get a ton of email from married men who think that means I’m looking for them, even though I specifically say, no married men. The general quote is, "Oh, but what do you expect if you say you’re looking for discreet? Only people with something to hide are looking for discreet." If I put down "casual relationship", you all think it’s ok to be out doing the entire tri-state area while doing me and God only knows what I could pick up disease-wise that way. Not to mention, that seems to give men the idea that hearing from them once a month because they’re horny and can’t find anyone better for the night is acceptable. Therefore, I have down "serious relationship." Now, don’t give me the crap about how I’m looking for a husband in the wrong place, as I’m not looking for a husband. I am looking for a friend and lover, a partner in crime, someone who will treat me and my body with respect. Or a small circle of lovers. Now, is that any clearer for the mouth breathers out there?

Now, onto the list.

I have a list of rules for the so-called ideal person:

1) Be single or be able to prove you have permission from the wife or s/o. I don't care how bored you are with your wife or girlfriend. How would you like it if they did that to you? And if you insist you're in an open relationship, I want to hear, straight from her mouth while having coffee with her in your kitchen, that she's cool with it. Either that or expressed written permission, in the form of a notarized letter, which is a legal and binding document. Besides, I'm the spend the night type.

2) Be my idea of good looking. I don't care who tells you that you look like some movie star, I think Tom Cruise looks like a rodent, Leonardo DiCaprio looks like he needs to come out of the closet, Brad Pitt is just wimpy looking, none are my type of gorgeous. The eyes are the windows to the soul. If I don't like what I see in a person's eyes, I find them quite unattractive.

3) Be at least as smart as I am. If you can't engage me mentally, you're sure as hell not going to be able to do it sexually. And if you write to me, don't just send me your profile. You have to be able to attract me mentally for me to write back.

4) Be honest about yourself. I can't tell you how many guys on here send pics from 10 years ago, 50 pounds ago and a full head of hair ago. Guys, (and this goes for many of the ladies on Parejas morbosas, liberales y swingers too) 50 pounds overweight, but going to the gym is not an athletic build. Nor is it average. Depending on how you carry it, it may be a little extra padding. And 100 pounds overweight is large. Sorry guys, but when you're that large, you're beyond the "love handle" stage. I know many men look in the mirror and see what they used to be. If you're doing that, it's time to see what you really are. And I can't believe how many of you lie about your age. If you claim to be late 40s, early 50s but look 70, either you're not living right or you're lying to make yourself seem more attractive. Sorry, but I don't look close to my age, and I have no interest in men who are or even look old enough to be my father.

5) I can't stress this one enough....... NO MULLETMEN! Either cut it all off or grow it long all over. They look so white trash and they're ugly.

6) No wife-beaters. The shirts, or violent behavior. Let's face it guys, the only reason you wear one of those things in public is to show off your muscles. And if your best quality is showing people you can beat them up, I'm not interested.

7) Be mentally stable and have a sense of humor about yourself. I've been on Parejas morbosas, liberales y swingers long enough to know how many of you are just plain nuts, quick to anger, etc. If some off the cuff remark I make in chat can illicit a strong negative and nasty response from you, then you are way too quick to anger for me. If you're not somewhat laid back, look elsewhere.

I am NOT a sub. Look at the capitalization of my handle and you should figure that out. Do not order me to write back to you. You won't get a response. Do not tell me how I'm a bad girl who needs to be whipped. If I see you as someone with whom I'm interested in exloring BD/SM, I'm the one who holds the flogger.

9) If you're looking for a cumbucket, a vessel to be filled, a sperm-burping-gutter-slut, someone to use and toss in the gutter, look elsewhere. I'm looking for long term, I don't do one-nighters. You can't even get to know a person's body in one night. I'm not necessarily looking for exclusive (although that would be nice), but I'm also not looking to break in someone new every month. Nor am I looking for someone who's only around once a month. Take it from a woman, a monthly visitor is annoying, and we all get one of those already. So if you're looking for a quickie, look elsewhere. And keep in mind I'm a cuddler, so you should be too. No players either. Keep in mind, it may be a game to you, but real feelings are involved.

10) Let's discuss the term "friends with benefits." OK guys, let me tell you what that means to a woman: It means you're friends, and the sex is purely secondary. It does not mean you cease to be friends once you're sick of fucking a person, which is what it seems to means to some of the men of Parejas morbosas, liberales y swingers. That, dear readers, is a fuck buddy, or a chick you're playing. So don't give me that friends with benefits lie/line if you're not talking from a woman's perspective of the term. All you'll do is hurt that person in the long run.

11) Be a gentleman and have respect for women and realize we are human beings too.

12) Don't even think about asking me for cyber or phone sex. Hate to tell you this guys, but men have been masturbating for thousands of years without the aid of a keyboard. Save yourself the carpal tunnel and save me from having to see such things as "oj bavvy, fucl mw" on the screen by just going out and buying a copy of Penthouse Forum. And as far as phone sex goes, do you really think I'm going to call a total stranger or give you my phone number? Don't be so damned cheap. There are 900 numbers for that.

13) You want me? You come to me. I see no reason why I should have to go out of my way for some guy who reads through this and still doesn't believe I'm not just out for sex. If you feel I'm not worth the effort to get to, then you're not worth my effort to even talk to.

14) This one is probably the most important. Keep in mind if I do meet you that I am under no obligation to fall into bed with you just because I met you here. Nor are you under that obligation. Just because we click in text doesn't mean we will in real life.

Now, did you manage to get through all of that, without wanting to write to call me a bitch, or tell me how angry I am? No? Then I have no interest in hearing from you. But if you answered yes, then do drop me a line.

¿Cuáles son tus cantantes o grupos favoritos?:
Jethro Tull, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Dream Theater,
Dead Milkmen, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

¿Has tenido cibersexo alguna vez?:
Lo he intentado pero no es lo mismo.

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